Neverending Teardrops...

WHY Won't the tears Stop falling...? WHEN will they Ever dry up...?? Can ANYONE tell me How to Stop crying?? Is there ANYTHING I Can do to Stop the tears from continuing to fall??? I am SO exhausted with weeping NOW!!! Yet WHY am I Still Unable to stop...??? This is NOT NORMAL At All...!! GOD~ Please HELP ME to stop crying NOW!!! I N.E.E.D. YOUR Help, YOUR grace, YOUR mercy...!!! I N.E.E.D. YOU!!! L.O.R.D.!!!

"I have loved you with an everlasting love and am constant in my affection of you" Jeremiah 31:3.

當兔子遇上貓...

~When Usa Meets Neko...~

Birthday Presents from the Lord: Blessings...pressed down and running over...

A Very Belated post...

1st of August, 2008 (Friday) - another date which will remain in my memory Always...

When you expect Nothing at all, it is then that you will receive Everything...

When God gives and blesses, what you get will always be better than what you could ever imagine or hope for, and always it will be more than you could ever ask or dream of - pressed down and running over...

I was expecting to go through the day just like any other day. It was a Friday and normally we would be having share group gathering, but our gathering this week was changed to movie night for "The Dark Knight". Since I have already watched the film with friends a couple of days ago, I didn't join for the film again, but have agreed to instead meet up my share group for a late supper afterwards.

I have been overloaded with work at the company for the entire day. By the end of the day I was rather exhausted and initially was contemplating to forgo dinner for the night. Yet Ebi came over and we ended up having dinner at "David KIM & GArRY Lin's" - baked rice with cheese. (Yay! I like cheese~) When it was time to settle the bill Ebi suddenly displayed his "Shadow Hands" and paid for everything...It took a few seconds for my brain to register the whole situation, and then to withdraw my hand, which was still busy rummaging through the wallet for dollar notes...Touched...the first surprise of the day...

When I reached home, I cast myself into the regular chores at once - cleaning and tidying - as Nana would be coming over to stay with me as usual - throughout the weekend. I'd almost finished cleaning everything when a message from "MyCow" arrived telling me that the film has ended and they would be coming over to fetch me for supper. Covered with dust and perspiration, and looking Absolutely Dishevelled, I informed MyCow that I HAD to take a shower before meeting up with them and suggested that they go ahead first, and I would walk over after shower to join them later. MyCow's reply was,"No problem, take your time. We will go fetch you. We'll wait for you." So I wrapped up the rest of the cleaning as fast as I could, then proceeded to my shower.

I had just stepped out of the bathroom when I heard my phone ringing. MyCow said they have arrived and are waiting for me at the staircases. As I have washed my hair and it was then dripping and looked like wet spaghetti, I once again suggested that they go first and I would join them when I am ready. Yet he insisted to fetch me there, which was only a few minutes' walk away from where I stay. My brain was already saturated for the day, so I didn't (actually, it's Couldn't) think much about it, and simply obliged. I was halfway through getting ready when another phone call came, this time it was Nana. Thinking that everyone must be famished and certainly tired of waiting, I instantly told her to ask MyCow to lead the group and go ahead, and I would come later. Yet she INSISTED that I get down NOW! She sounded impatient and slightly offended, almost as if she was stamping her feet (or going to) as she was speaking through the phone (high D mode!), and it worried me. I quickened up my pace and rushed down as soon as I could.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, I couldn't see MyCow's car anywhere. I waited for some few minutes, then decided to give him a call. He told me they were already at the venue for supper. So I decided to walk over to meet them. I had almost reached the end of the car park at my apartment block when I heard someone call my name aloud. Surprised, I turned around and saw my share group huddling close together behind the staircases, holding a cake with candles lit in their hands. I was stunned for half a second but managed to quickly come around. Then the next thing was...I felt...I knew...that the floodgates were going to burst open... - these people had been hiding here waiting for me for so long all this while just to give me a surprise...! I tried hard to suppress the overwhelming emotions...Fortunately, at that critical moment, Hing came over "to the rescue" and told me to make a wish then blow out the candles. I gladly obliged. Then we proceeded to the destination for our supper - AhBoy~ I walked in front of everyone else and quickened my pace, coz I was afraid that if I only just look at them, tears would begin to fall...and I know that once we reach AhBoy, there would certainly be a lot of other people there and that would force me to hold the emotions back.

Tracy and Yvonne came into view as we approached AhBoy~ Along with Hing, it was almost like my former share group was also here with me - my long time wish and plan had always been to celebrate my birthday this year with my (now former) share group: the group of people who has helped me tremendously- in every way - love them much...and yet before that could happen, we have already "multiplied"...and I was thinking that this was going to be yet another unrealised dream...yet, God really sees everything in our hearts, He knows all our desires, our hopes, our every dream...and He made this dream of mine come true...Thank You so much, Lord...my first birthday gift from the Heavenly Father for today...

Emotions was building up within me, yet I refused to let it show at AhBoy~ as there were a lot of other people around - people whom I don't know. I received a book from Tracy as a birthday gift, and she ended up buying me a drink as well coz in the rush and frenzy to get down to meet my share group after receiving Nana's "threatening" phone call, I had only managed to grab my keys but had absent-mindedly left my wallet in the room...

We had a really blessed fellowship during supper that night...And, as I casually lifted my gaze heavenwards during mid-conversation, I saw a star shining in the night sky! - my second birthday gift from the Lord for the day...! Even though there is only one star, but I am already very happy...For I have always love stars since young for as long as I can remember...(don't ask me why - I don't know...) Somehow star always reminds me of God/Jesus/Noel...and it always brings me hope and joy...When I was sad, depressed, unhappy or moody, I used to go out of the house at night and just lift my head heavenwards and gaze at the starlit sky, and gradually the heaviness would lift from my heart, all the negative emotions would fade away, replaced by peace and tranquility...To me, watching the midnight stars is like having a silent conversation with the Lord, and always He would comfort me and give me peace in times like these...sometimes I would receive revelation from the Lord through star-gazing...Yet ever since I came over to the Peninsular, seldom could I see stars anymore - probably due to the hazy sky...I remember back at where I hail from, we can see stars in the sky almost every night, and I used to drift into slumber each night watching the beautiful starlit sky from my bedroom window as I lay on my bed...this is probably what I miss most from my homeland - the beauty of shining stars in the midnight sky, just like sparkling diamonds embroidered on a dark velvet cloth...Tonight's message from God: Always presevere, never give up hope, for the Lord knows your heart...His eyes are everywhere, and He never sleeps...He sees and hears and knows all things...The Lord blesses and watches over those He loves...

Finally, thank you so much, all of you (and you too, Ebi)...What I can say is, whoever involved in planning this surprise really know me very, very well, coz it was a great success and I was really "surprised by the surprise"...hahaha...

Birthday cake - white Tiramisu with fresh strawberries: it's beautiful! I love it~ it looks very much like a cake which I've seen in a Japanese anime comic I like...kekeke... (I have always love the look of strawberries on cake - again, don't know why, I just love the look of them like that, it's pretty - and white has always been my favourite colour...nice nice~) Tastes nice, too~

"My CAKE and I"...heheheh...with Gracy at the back, at AhBoy~

Even though I had managed to hold back the tears for the entire night, very early the following morning - sometime around dawn - I woke up in bed suddenly. It was still pitch dark, and, as I lay in bed, memories of the happenings of the previous night began to flow back to my mind...it was so overwhelming and I could no longer hold back, the floodgates burst open at last and tears streamed down my cheeks...Really, really touched...once again, reminded of the grace of God...

When I've finally stopped crying, I suddenly remembered that due to all the "unexpectation" and excitement, I was so occupied by being stunned and surprised that I had forgotten to thank everyone the night before!!! I had to quickly send out belated messages to them when daybreak came...what a scatter-brain I am...Aikz!!

When Darkness Falls, the Knight Rises...

He is

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a Silent Guardian

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a Protector of Justice

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THE DARK KNIGHT

"The night is darkest just before the dawn..."

"I promise you - the dawn is coming..."

"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain..."

"People are dying..."

"What would you have me do...?"

"Endure."

"You could be...the outcast."

"You could make a choice that no one else will face - the Right Choice."

"Gotham needs you..."

"I can take it...because I am not a hero..."

Beyond Expectation...Beyond Words......

The End of THE LONG WAIT...

Finally..."IT" is HERE...

I have been praying...and Praying...and pRaying...and prAying...and praYing...and...PRAYing......over "IT"...

I have been waiting for "IT"...yet dreaded the actual moment when I would be receiving "IT"...

Before this, I had toiled and laboured long and hard over "IT" - spent sleepless nights and endless days just to give "IT" my very best (even though I am terrible at "IT" - so, my "best", actually, is still not That good)...

THE LETTER that contained THE ANSWER is Finally HERE - the long awaited answer...to one of my prayers, to my parents' One Prayer, to my family's prayers...

THE ANSWER

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“下流二等”榮譽

(Lower Second Class Honours)

Hmm...“下流” + “二等”...can still = 榮譽...???

All this while, I have been dreading and worrying that I may be getting a Third Class (“三流的”...?)...and I had been praying to God: Lord! ANYTHING But Third Class...!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeasssse~~!! Ne Ebi kun just teased me the other day saying that fortunately there is no Ninth Class...(“第九流”...) and yet, “下流二等” doesn't sound any better than “三流的” or “第九流”...aikz......

But, anyway, I REALLY, REALLY GIVE THANKS TO GOD!!! That I Finally GOT it ...(aye...even though it is “下流” + “二等”...) Thanks be to GOD!!! That all the time and effort I spent still produced a "crop" for "harvest"...that everything I have done didn't just go to waste and flow into the great ocean...Thank You so much, Lord...and THANK YOU for hearing and answering our prayers, however impossible they had seemed...(with my results the best I could hope for would be simply a Pass, ie a Third Class...and yet, He gave me something more than what I deserved - He gave me what I had been praying for all this while - something higher and better than Third Class, ie a Lower Second Class...) It is really better than what I had dared to hope for...(aye, even though I have been "grumbling" and "complaining" about the class awarded, I am REALLY, REALLY Thankful for it - just don't understand why they have to grade it in accordance to classes...a simple "Honours" Without the extra frills would have been Perfect - hmm...I suppose I would never understand this...)

Having known my result, Wind had been teasing me over it for days with cheeky remarks such as: Whoa...The first degree holder in four generations in our family wo...Be careful not to get your nose up so high that you walk into poles when you are walking along the street aaa...or fall into a man hole...or step onto a pile of dog-poo...or trip over your own feet and fall headlong - which you are "expert" in...or......or......or......etc...etc...etc...... (Hahaha...)

As for Dad, he was so thrilled when I revealed the news to him that he called up his mum (ie my grandmother) instantly to tell her all about it, and he couldn't sleep and couldn't stop smiling for days on end, and finally Mum got so tired of seeing him flashing his teeth all the time (it's been a few days now and according to Mum and Wind, he still couldn't manage to shut his mouth properly...) that she Simply Had To "complain" about Dad to me...

Haha...well, that's my wacky family...Anyway, from these various responses and reactions I am able to gather that they are well-pleased and happy...(even with a “下流二等”榮譽...aikz...)

Lord, I give You thanks and I give You praise...All glory, and honour, and power, and might, belong to You forever and ever and from everlasting to everlasting...Thank You for hearing us, and for answering our prayers...Thank You so much...for Everything...

Hallelujah...God bless...

A Twist of Fate...?

Yes.

Believe it.

Never judge a book by its cover.

Never judge a person by his looks.

One of the best films ever~!!!

Everything is well done - fantastic story, awesome effects, terrific climax...

Love it~!!!

"I have placed before you life and death...Now choose life..." (Scripture verse)

Our destinies were not written the moment we were born...but rather they are determined by the choices we make as we journey through life...

Never stop doing good even when the whole world turn their backs on you...

Sometimes we have to sacrifice in order to make the right choice/the best choice...

Landa Yesu...

Follow Jesus...

Hallelujah...

Farewell...

Friday, 13th July 2008 - a Very Significant date...a date which I will remember always...

Our LAST share group gathering...after this...No More...
We will "multiply"...

It felt like our first gathering - we began with Icebreaker, then praise and worship, then sharing - We haven't been doing this for a very long time...

The "trademark" of our share group gathering - a game known as "Come-Mean-Toy" (I don't know what language it is, nor what the name means...), played using poker cards. At the end of the game, you will be able to realise at least two things: who is the swiftest and most alert in the group, and also who is the sleepiest...hahaha...

In the end, I lost the game...and was sentenced to singing the national anthem standing outside at the balcony as punishment. But...everything didn't go quite the way they were supposed to go...coz...I ended up in tears and shocked everybody...Some thought perhaps the punishment was too harsh to me and I had a fright when I learnt that I was to sing aloud at the balcony; some thought I was stressed out with some kind of problems... - sorry, all incorrect...Hahaha...Hmm...seems like my share group doesn't know me very well yet...and it was our last gathering!! I don't simply cry in front of people over such petty affairs...

My sentimental side...I seldom allow it to surface...(I don't like it, coz somehow it makes me feel that I am weak and feeble...)

It was our LAST gathering!!!

I tried hard to just "be normal" and "just treat it as any other share group gatherings" we have had before...but...well...

Actually, I knew long before that this day of parting would come...I was prepared for it (or so I thought). I never expect myself to react like this, though - Never!! To be honest, I was shocked by my own reaction even!!

I tried really hard to suppress the emotions that were building up within me throughout...When I learnt that we were going to begin with Icebreaker, my mind instantly flashed back to our first gathering, and how far we've come together...through storms and blizzards and worse...and it struck me that: This is the LAST time we do Icebreaker Together! This is the LAST time we play "Come-Mean-Toy" with each other like This...!

As we proceeded with the game whilst joking and talking crap and telling lame jokes and pulling each other's leg as usual, I realised: This is the LAST time we tease each other Together...like This...! And when I had lost: This is the LAST time that I lost a game I play with THEM...the LAST game with THEM...!!! Then, as everyone clamoured for me to "proceed" with the punishement, my heart told me: This is the LAST time they tease me Together like THIS...(I am going to miss all these so much...! Yes, I will even miss being teased by THEM...) and, This is the LAST time that they are so "united" - one heart, one voice - in doing one thing, ie urging me to be "executed" with the punishment...hahaha...well, that was the last straw...

My stronghold just crumbled after that...everything I had been withholding within tumbled forth... - the floodgates burst open...and...I couldn't shut it again...I tried to force the tears back - innumerous times, yet each time I was overwhelmed...

It was the first time I experienced a really, really "teary" praise and worship... - our LAST praise and worship Together...!! - thinking of that induced more tears to come to my eyes and they started falling even faster than ever before!!

I tried to recompose myself during sharing time...yet...when it was my turn to share and I opened my mouth...no words came out... - I felt a great lump in my throat...then, tears took over...once again...I had to stop a few times during my sharing because I couldn't go on, then continued when I managed to regain my composure a little...This is the LAST time that we share our hearts out sitting in a circle Together like This... - and, well, that thought, of course, brought forth yet more tears...

I felt like a broken water tap that day... - no matter how hard you try to turn off a broken tap, there will still be a leak - drops of water will still be dribbling...if you try to screw it tighter, the tap will slip, and the water, which had initially been trickling down in droplets only, will then gush out like falls...

We have gone through so much together...THEY are my family here... - They threw their door wide open and received me in when I was met with closed doors everywhere else...They walked with me, supported me, encouraged me, helped me, stuck with me...during the darkest times of my life...They showed me what true love and real family means...They held me fast when I was gradually slipping away from the arms of God...They were there for me and with me when I could no longer see God...when I could no longer feel God's presence...They suffered and went through it all with me...They suffered...coz they were in this battle with me...! Even when I told them to just let me go - seeing them being pressed down by the troubles that came with the commitment - as I really can't bear to see people suffering because of me, they refused!!! They just shut me up with this verse: "When a shepherd who has one hundred sheep lost one sheep from his flock, he leaves the ninety-nine sheep and goes in search of that one sheep...UNTIL he finds it and brings it back to the flock again." They SIMPLY REFUSED to Give Up on me...EVEN when it meant they Had to walk with me down the Same, dark, perilous path...fight with me...suffer much with me...They chose to fight with me in my battle... - mine...not theirs! Yet they were willing to fight it...with me...for me...I know a lot of people would have just let me go...just like that...and I don't blame them...coz it's a really difficult journey...we didn't even know what we would meet then...or what we would be up against...but THEY chose to follow the road less taken...they chose to be with me when it would be so much easier for them to just abandon me instead...and...because they Wouldn't Give Up on me, I Couldn't Give Up, either...! How COULD I give up on my own life When there are people around me who WANT So Much for me to stay alive and continue to live? It was their determination to hold me fast NO MATTER WHAT that in turn spurred me to hold on to God, no matter what...(even when I was in great and constant doubt then...) Honestly, I was really, really, really, really touched by them...

And, they came to my rescue everytime they received my S.O.S. ...hmm...they know me well in this One thing: I Simply WON'T ask for help Unless or Until I am in a Really "critical" condition...

I knew that God placed us together for a purpose. I also know that no matter how far apart we may be from each other, we will always remain right here in each other's heart...always...

During our LAST gathering, at one point PangPang became concerned coz I couldn't stop crying that he tried to cheer me up: "Remember that burger last week? If you stop crying I'll treat you to one for dinner later..." Well, I did manage to stop in the end...Thanks be to God! Else I'd be pouring at mamak and then I'd frighten more people...! And...as good as his promise, PaPa Pang REALLY Did treat me to a burger for dinner...! Wakakaka...So touched...blessed...(initially I had thought he meant it as a joke, really) but then...it reminded me that this would be our "LAST supper" together...and that brought fresh tears to my eyes all over again...

Thanks be to God:
(I) I thank God that I didn't flood Tracy's house with my tears...Haha...
(II) I thank God that I managed to (or rather, He helped me to) stop crying while I was still in Tracy's car on the way to dinner after our gathering - I managed to stop before we reached our destination...Thank God I didn't flood her car, too...
(III) I thank God for this beloved family of mine...
(IV) I thank God for everything He has given us - for good things and bad, for joy and for sorrows, for laughter and for tears...I thank You, Lord, for all the blessings You have showered upon us, for shining Your light in our lives, for being with us through it all...and...for calling us Your Children...Thank You, Lord...thank You so much...

God bless...Hallelujah...

An Urban Love Story...

It takes a real man to be a maid of honour...

"If you get married, I expect to be your best man. Tom, will you be my maid of honour?"

"...?!! Your maid of honour??!" (Slam!!! Ping pong piang~!!!!)

"Owwww~~!!!..."

"And this must be the lucky young man who is marrying our beautiful Hannah..."

"Oh, no! I am not marrying him. This is Tom, my maid of honour."

"...??!!! Oh! Well how about that...?! We have many gays and lesbians of the congregation...Welcome."

"...!!!!!"

"This is my maid of honour."

"...!!!!!!" "He's a gay." "Yeah, definitely a gay."

"..."

"What do you think of them?"
"I think they think I am a gay..."

"You are the one person who understands me the most...You are my best friend in the world...I just want to be with you..."

"I have prided myself on always telling the truth with everybody...But, I have been lying to one person all this while... - myself. Because, the truth is...scary...... - I love you..."

"I love you..." - one of the most difficult things to say...

"Love" - One word that frees us of all the weight and pain in life...

Even when sometimes your loved one has let you down, never forget that there is One who ALWAYS Loves you with an Unconditional Love...

Always remember how much Jesus loves you...always remember how much you mean to Him...

Choice...

There are heroes, there are superheroes, and then there's Hancock...

"TRY calling me 'S-Ho'...ONE more time..."

"Your head, is going up his 'S'..."

"His head, is going up your 'S'..."

"Good job."

All that a person ever wanted (no matter how great or powerful that person is) is simply to feel that he belongs, to be loved, and to be accepted by others...

Souvenirs...

Arose early in order to hitch a lift from S.O.S. to church as usual on Sunday morning (it is ALWAYS hard for me to rise early on weekends, even though that is supposed to be my regular schedule now and I am supposed to have accustomed to it...). Tumbled straight into my routine task as soon as I stepped foot into the cafe - making sandwiches. Was halfway through my work when the saw-like knife accidentally slipped and its razor blade sliced into my finger - felt a sharp, searing pain instantly! Glanced at the "inflicted" finger but couldn't see anything. Was just about to continue with sandwich-making when the pain compelled me to take another look...and...Whoa! I saw myself sporting a finger adorned in the signature colour of Liverpool Football Club! Blood was gushing out from the fresh wound - resembling a mini waterfall...

Instantaneously, I tried to reach for a paper-handkerchief from the tissue box at the counter-top with my other hand...struggled for quite a while before someone helped got it for me...Covered my "Liverpool fan" finger and applied pressure on it. Meanwhile, asked around for the church medical kit (as there is no more bandage in the cafe drawer) and rummaged through it...struggled for a long while once more until some church member lent out a helping hand and helped found me a bandage...Managed to unwrap the bandage with one hand...then thought: bleeding SHOULD have ceased by now...? Lifted the paper-handkerchief to take a peek - Hmm...still flowing like waterfall! The paper-handkerchief was already soaked with my generous outflow of haemoglobin - bright red patch against a white background - attractive colour combination~! No choice, covered the wound again and re-applied pressure upon it...Waited for a really long while this time before checking on it again - bleeding was receding, though a tiny stream of blood was still dribbling - wrapped bandage firmly over finger. Finally, was able to turn my attention back to the "abandoned" sandwiches...

Served at cafe for close to 6 or 7 hours with practically no rest - I only managed to "steal away" for a break when I had my lunch - the one time that I ever get to Really SIT down...! Thank God for chairs~! Was "operating" purely on "back-up battery power" in the afternoon...yet, when the time came for Captain Ball, I was "miraculously, instantaneously and automatically recharged"!

We were divided into 3 teams for the game and each team consisted of 10 members whereby 6 would be out in the court playing for the team during any one match (3 boys, 3 girls), with the remaining members on "stand by" as substitutes. Was assigned to be in one team with Rick, Johnson, Min Jun, Alvin, Yun Juok, Vei Ling, Meei Yi, Tracy, Vui Theng and Yi Wen - with Johnson being our team leader. Our team name is “一點通”, which, verbally translated, would be "MagicFinger" or "MagicTouch". We even created our very own special gesture for the team! Tried to play "with courtesy" during the first-half of the game - since Viktor da Lee said it was to be a "friendly match" - but, turned out that...some girls seemed wilder than boys in the game!! No choice...really had to "show them some colours" for the rest of the game...Alvin is the best keeper~!! His signature technique is the ability to catch a goal with only one foot remaining on the chair and his arms and body completely swayed to one side, and that is not all - he is able to hold that position for a minimum of 3 seconds!! Perfect balance!!! Kudos~Alvin!

We had a fantastic game. When it has ended, however, some of us haven't had enough yet, and formed teams of our own to continue playing the game...Haha...

At the end of the day, Captain Ball has "added colours" on to me, and I looked more "colourful" after the game than ever before - bruised black and blue - marks of accidents during the game...Didn't really realise that I was bruised until Kitt poked me gently in my shoulder with one finger in church afterwards (as she wanted to speak to me) - that poke really had the effect of “一點‘痛’” ("PainfulTouch") - and I jumped right out of the chair I was sitting on due to the sudden, excruciating pain! My spontaneous reaction shocked her so much that she jumped, too. Hahaha - we were like two kangaroos that had escaped from the zoo...

What I have gained (6th July, 2008):

(I) From the cafe incident

I realised that I could hardly do the simplest things on my own with only one hand - from trying to take a paper-handkerchief out of a tissue box to searching for a bandage in a medical kit - when I only have one hand to spare, I need other people to help me even with these very simple tasks...

God is using this incident to remind me that I can't do everything on my own. I am not saying that God had it in mind to make me get injured with the knife so that He can make me realise all these, but that out of every circumstance (no matter how bad or terrible it is), He will make sure something good comes out of it - things that will benefit us.
He reminded me that it is not good for me to always do things alone by myself, that I also need other people's help from time to time (maybe I have been too obstinate recently and always forced myself to go beyond my own limits and would only ever ask for help from others when I am really K.O. ...?)
He reminded me as to the reason why He placed us to live in a community and not lead a solitary life. I have been too headstrong and have overestimated my own ability all these while that, often I refused to ask others for help until I am in a really critical stage. If I continue to be like this, perhaps one day I might even be too proud to seek help until it is too late...God foresees everything and He revealed this to me, in His perfect timing...Thank You, Lord!

I just realised that I am the culprit who has used up all the bandages in the cafe - cafe had to sponsor one bandage to me almost every week - because somehow I always manage to add a nick or a cut to myself while helping out there...

Felt a slight unwillingness to dispose of the paper-handkerchief after I have bandaged my finger - seeing that I have "donated" so much of my blood to it - it's kind of wasteful to throw it into the dustbin...Farewell, "My Precioussss~~" bloody paper-handkerchief...kakaka...
One other thing I realised is that my blood actually has a very nice colour! I like the colour of my blood - it's scarlet - a really really pretty shade of red~~

(II) From the game of Captain Ball

(i) I came to realise that sometimes you just can't be too nice to everybody. In order to survive, you have to be flexible and try to act and move in accordance to your surrounding environment. Life in this world...sometimes you really have no options left but to treat others the way they treat you...Do not let others step down on you or take advantage of you. Christians should live a life that glorifies God but that doesn't mean we should become doormats. Stay intelligent and be flexible!

(ii) The arms that caught me when I fall...I was reminded of the Lord's loving arms when Crystal from the opposing team (playing as defender) caught me as I fell off from the chair trying to catch a goal while playing as keeper - after a couple of falls I think the others were worried I would get injured and advised that I switched position with another player from our team...

God reminded me re two things via this incident: first of all, Love your enemy (not that I see the opposing team as our enemy, just that this verse from the Scriptures suddenly struck my mind via this incident)- Even though we were from opposing teams, Crystal turned to me and said,"Don't worry, I'll catch you when you fall." I could see the light of sincerity illuminating her eyes as she said that...honestly, I felt so touched then... - touched by an angel...hahaha...secondly, God will always be there to catch us as and when we fall...ALWAYS! Because if men can do this for each other, how much more would God do this for us!! Thank You so much, Lord...

(iii) I finally have the opportunity to experience the saying "I jump, she jumps" - with Kitt...! Hahaha...we really did make each other jump, though it was rather unexpected...

I just realised how much I missed sports...and I have actually forgotten how sports can revive me...! I have always loved sports, and even though I may be tired, I will still welcome a game of sports - instead of making me more tired, sports has the amazing power of refreshing me...! Captain Ball has "awakened" my passion for sports again...

The "souvenirs" of the day:
(a) A rather deep wound on my finger measuring about 1/4 inch in length - the cafe knife "insisted" on leaving a mark on me every week...(this is the worst injury I had from the cafe so far...)
(b) Large and "beautiful" bruises on arm and leg - parting gifts from Captain Ball...Hey, not bad, now I have "proof" that I really did participated in the game~ Haha...

Whenever I begin to lose focus on God, He always draws me back to Him through the various trials and persecutions that I face...He constantly reminds me that I should always seek Him, commit to Him and depend on Him in all things no matter what...and that His promise stands forever...
"When I am weak, then I am strong, for You live within me..."

Thank You, Lord, for all the blessings that You have showered upon us...Hallelujah...

+God bless you all...+

Choose your destiny...

"I am sorry..."

"I-AAAMM-SOOOORRRYYY~~"

"You apologize too much."

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know who I am..."

"Whatever they've told you are all lies..."

"You are MY SON..."

"He wasn't trying to kill you...He was trying to protect you."

"He wanted a different life for you...He wanted you to have what he never had..."

Another spectacular film on screen.

It is difficult to come by movies like this nowadays.

A film that is absolutely wonderful - the storyline, the momentum throughout, the angles that the screenshots were captured...

Notable values which I have gathered via this film:

(I) Never take things or people for granted on first impression. Often they may not be what they seem...

(II) Never believe everything you hear. Make an effort to find out the truth yourself, or it may be too late by the time you regret over it...

(III) Often, we have not yet discovered our underlying/hidden gifts/abilities - sometimes our weakness may in fact turn out to be our strength.

A great film...

A film which I love tremendously...

不是一個人 但孤獨 孤獨 但不是一個人

小時候
很羨慕有哥哥姐姐的朋友
常常夢想著 希望自己也有哥哥或姊姊
在遇到困難時 第一時間能有人幫忙
功課上不懂的地方 有人可以請教
被欺負時可以找人出頭

但是 夢想終歸夢想
從小 凡事都得靠自己
一切問題 祇能自己想辦法去解決
日子一天天的過去
漸漸的 也習慣了凡事親力親為

或許是在這樣的環境下成長的緣故
形成了帶點孤僻的個性

中學生涯期間
大伙兒上哪都要成群結隊的
唯獨我例外
當時 幾乎被全校師生喻為“獨行俠”
祇因為 來來去去都是單獨一個人 --- 習慣了

中學成績冊上 師長評語欄閱：
“品學兼優 但沉默寡言
應多與他人溝通
擴大生活圈子 使生命更添色彩”
--- 六年亦然

向來都不怎麼愛會理外人的眼光
因而對當時的綽號與評論也不以為意

那個時候 最愛就是往圖書館跑
獨自在“祇供參考 不得外借”的部門
找個僻靜的角落坐下
或者與書為伍 或者魂游四海
就這樣 可以輕鬆消磨大半天

由於朋友不多
書籍與音樂成了我的摯友
不曉得為甚麼
熱衷於體育與戶外活動
並且酷愛藝術與大自然

很愛幻想 愛作白日夢
很喜歡敞開自己的想像力
任由它飛揚到不不知名的國界去探險

雖然在眾人的眼中是個乖乖女
暗地里卻有著叛逆的個性

愛用音樂 筆墨與色彩來表達自己
在言語上卻有著嚴重的癡障
擅於透過肢體語言 書寫以及繪畫來表露內心的世界
但祇要一張口發言 非結巴即唇齒思維起衝突

在學校上美術課與語文課
從不甘受限於師長指定的題目
畫幅與作文往往會跳出呆板的傳統框框
而飛越到屬於自己的天空中自由翱翔
然而 作品卻每每因為如此 而受到眾人的青睞與好評

個性有點古怪 不喜歡跟風
對於大部分事物
有著屬於自己的一套見解
但是 除非別人問及
否則鮮少會主動提及自己的觀點

不喜歡隨波逐流
對一切充滿好奇心
喜愛與眾不同
愛冒險
往往選擇走與別人不一樣的路
對舞蹈情有獨鍾
在創作上偏愛獨樹一格

這樣的個性
一直被外人公認為固執 孤僻 怪異
甚至是不可理喻
--- 從以前到現在亦然

獨自一人的時候會思索：
堅持己見被稱為是固執
附和他人卻被認為是沒有主見
與眾不同是怪異
平凡無奇則是呆板沒創意
沉默寡言變得生人勿近 不可理喻
嘰喳多話卻變成沒大腦 眾人敬而遠之

不明白
希望 有一天
能夠理解這一切

不住思索 執意相信有朝一日
總能掙脫被誤解的枷鎖

一路走來 尋尋覓覓 跌跌撞撞
我 在尋找 平衡點

~ L.O.V.E. ~

LOVE...

Self-sacrifice...

Respect...

Self-control...

A splendid motion picture.

Less is more...To me, it is simply fabulous - in all aspects - particularly the special effects and the momentum of the story.

A film that implies love: Love conquers all...Love never fails...and Love binds all things together.

A film that is really worth watching.

A film that I love very, very much...

生命的...轉戾點?

沒有人知道，在命運的安排下，何時，何地，遇上了誰，發生了怎樣的故事，結局如何。

從小就被關在象牙塔里，被家人緊緊的守護著，被纏上金鍾罩鐵布衫，在嚴密的護蔭下成長......
直到有一天，機缘巧合之下，離開了金絲雀籠，才惊覺窗外有那麼樣的一片天!
張開雙翅，翱翔在自由的天空里，呼吸著清新的空氣，感受到前所未有的新體驗。
從此，再也不願意重歸囚禁的生活，而執意停留在曼妙月光的籠罩下，與夜空中的繁星一同起舞......

The Story Continues...

I have fallen quite ill during the past week...

I was already feeling Not OK on Monday morning...yet I thought that by consuming the medication prescribed by the doctor, coupled with drinking plenty of water and taking some rest, I would be able to keep everything in check and recover soon...but...

By nightfall (on Monday) I was feeling rather weak, and I thought a couple of hours of rest would revive me...However, to my horror, I realised that the longer I lay in bed, the weaker I was becoming - I was losing strength with every passing moment...!!! The instant that this realisation struck me, I tried to rise and get out of bed...and...at that moment, I realised that...I...couldn't...get...up...AT ALL...!!!

I kept trying to rise...yet strength just eluded me...Finally, I had to admit defeat...With no options left, I finally managed to send an S.O.S. to Hing after much struggle - the nearest help I know I can depend on (it was around 11:30pm), and Hing, who was just about to go out then, misunderstood my emergency message, thinking that I wanted to go and return something to him...

I stared blankly at his reply message...Suppressing a sigh and mustering every last bit of strength I could possibly gather, I called him up and mumbled out my S.O.S....

After what seemed like a really long wait whilst struggling to keep myself awake, I finally heard pounding on my room door...Help is here at last! Yet, one problem remained - I couldn't rise to unlock the door...! Trying hard to get up and, finally, forcing out whatever last drop of strength there was left in my every nerve and muscle, I managed to stagger to the door and somehow unlocked it...

Supporting myself on wobbly legs and leaning heavily against the doorpost, I stared into two familiar faces...their voices floated over to my ears yet my mind barely captured what they were uttering - a spiltting headache which resembled a spear piercing through my brain and a horrible wash of nausea overwhelmed me and forced me to fall back into bed before I could answer their questions...

I couldn't remember much after that...all I could recall was that I lay in bed, in a lot of pain, weak, nauseous, one moment feeling like my entire body was on fire and the next shivering as if I were in Iceland...and Tracy and Hing talking to me...Couldn't remember much what they said except that I had to see the doctor...

I was sent to the clinic...and the doctor did a blood test...After that everything just ran on auto-pilot mode, couldn't remember much...All I knew was that for the next day (Tuesday) I was in bed for the entire day...slept through the whole day - first time I ever did anything like that...!!! When evening fell I tried to rise and found that I could get up! Hallelujah!! Kept sipping 100Plus throughout the evening...

By nightfall Vui Theng came bringing me dinner (porridge), and she even went as far as "surrendering" to me her own dinner so that there could be something for me for breakfast the next morning...!!! Really, really, really touched by her selflessness...

After resting for one whole day I thought I should have had enough of rest so went about things as usual the day after that (Wednesday) - went to church in the afternoon to help out with preparations for the Church Wide Prayer Meeting as I had promised MiaowMee the week before that I would go and help her...initially was supposed to help at cafe only but then there was not enough people serving on that day so ended up being usher and "door-keeper" as well...By the end of the day, one word concluded it all: T-I-R-E-D...

Thursday was "Jacky's day" as he would be leaving us on Friday. Been out with him the entire day - breakfast, lunch, shopping, dinner, supper...Hahaha...Really exhausted but no regrets... - he is really like a brother to me: both of us hailed from the same hometown...

Had to arise early on Friday to send Jacky off at the air terminal...Going to miss him so much...May not be seeing him again for at least three years...After that, joined Victor's share group for lunch and fellowship because he was already late and rushing to meet up with his group members - we slightly "over-tarried" at the air terminal...Then, went home and continued with my "everyday job"...My current job? A full-time "Job Hunter"...! Hahaha...Also, redrafted my resume that evening...

Maybe...I still needed to rest more...because...as the evening wore on, I could feel all the frenzies and rushing to-and-fro these few days gradually taking a toll on me - felt seriously EXHAUSTED...When I finally managed to reach Tracy's house for share group meeting that night (practically DRAGGED myself to her house), I was not in good shape...

The weekends were devoted to serving and helping out at church as usual. Only, sickness has begun to creep back since the past few days - sore throat, cold, cough, fatigue...(I thought the antibiotics which I finished on Monday were supposed to have killed ALL the viruses...!!!) Maybe I really need to rest more before I can start jumping around like a monkey...


Something I learnt from my recent illness:

(I) Don't ever take fever for granted - it can kill you!!!

(II) 100Plus is the best drinking fluid for a sick patient.

(III) Don't try to push yourself too hard and don't overstress your maximum limit before you are completely healed - it will lead to aftermath sickness which will prolong your period of illness!

(IV) Always listen to the advice and counsel of those whom you KNOW you SHOULD listen to because if you don't, you will just wish that you HAD!!

(V) And, last but not least, get PLENTY of REST (as much as possible - in fact, the More the Better!) when you fall ill - you will thank God for it afterwards when you do...


A lot of people prayed for me when the news leaked out that I was very ill...Just want to say "Thank you so much" to all those who had been praying for me...God bless you all...


I am now on the road to recovery (hopefully)...
Still battling the viruses (cold, cough, sore throat...go away! Shoo~shoo~!!)...
And, the story continues...

世界上很多問題是永遠找不到答案的...

生命中，不斷的有人離開或進入。
於是，看見的，看不見了；記住的，遺忘了。
生命中，不斷的有得到和失落。
於是，看不見的，看見了；遺忘的，記住了。
然而，看不見的，是不是就等於不存在?
記住的，是不是永遠不會消失?

Just a Mirage Effect...??

Perhaps I really shouldn't have pretended that everything was ok in front of everybody and tried pushing myself beyond the limits in the past few days...

I thought I was recovering, especially last night...Yet, woke up this morning feeling as ill as the first day of my sickness - pain, headache, nausea...only...minus the shaking...

Could barely get out of bed...forced myself to get up and finish some chores...in the end, splitting headache and unbearable nausea compelled me to fall back to bed - almost threw up my medicine...

Slept through the rest of the day...

Could hardly walk...entire body in pain - close to unbearable...Have to endure excruciating pain with every single step I take...(reminds me of the Mermaid story: when her tail was transformed into human legs - with every step she took, the pain she had to endure was like that of a knife cutting through her feet... - only, in my case, the pain spreads over the entire body...!)

Was going to try and go out to get dinner...but...really couldn't make it - overthrown by the pain, headache and nausea...With no options left, once again, had to send out S.O.S....

I think I need more rest...

Really thank you for answering my S.O.S. - even though you are busy and rushing...

Thank You, Lord, for sustaining me in spite of it all...(still alive) Hallelujah...

鏡中倒影...

因為一個偶然 我透過妳的眼睛 看見了自己的倒映

也因為一個偶然 我從他人的身上 察覺到了自己的影子

“為甚麼?”謎題的神秘面紗 突然被揭開

一切 終於明朗化

因為明白 所以了解

因為了解 所以選擇放開一切

因為放開了一切 所以能夠打從心底原諒妳

而因為選擇原諒 原本煩悶的心 得以恢復了平靜

感謝主...

Stricken...!!!

Fire and ice
In me today they have chosen to reside



Thunder and lighting strike the kite
As darkness envelops the night


Gradually the world fades before my eyes
And all I can see is but a sea of white

Nauseous yet can not throw up...else all the medicine I just took would go to waste...(remembering the RM50 I just spent at the clinic gives me the strength to hold everythiang back...!)




Shivering and shaking uncontrollably...teeth chattering, making sounds like castanets...knees knocking against each other - doing boxing among themselves......I could barely stand...

Pain shoots through me from head to toe...even when I remain absolutely still, I can feel the pain...if I try to move just slightly, it feels like electrical shock running through my entire body!!

My mind is practically blank...empty...can not afford to think properly...even though I tried to...tried hard......Everything seems to be running on auto-pilot mode...(But thank God they still run...even though it's auto-pilot...)

This was how I felt last night...

I did not realise that I have actually fallen ill until late at night...when in fact I have already been sick for more than one day! (The symptoms began on the night before but I simply ignored them...)




When I started to feel hot and cold at the same moment, I realised that something was wrong.





But I thought I could hold it out and would recover by the next day, just like all the other times I have been sick before, all I ever do was drink plenty of water, rest, and pray. It works everytime! Well, almost...everytime...until this one...

I was developing a temperature...but the fever came and went...so I was feeling weak at one time then better at the next moment...that made me think I was getting better...when in fact, it was beginning to grow worse...

Sometime after midnight, I finally had to surrender...I couldn't stop shaking, could hardly get my voice out - stammering violently due to uncontrollable shaking, couldn't stand properly, and when I tried to lie down, the pain is close to unbearable!!! (Feels more like I was lying down in a torture chamber than on my own bed...)

Tried hard to get a grip and recompose myself...when I finally managed to hold down the shivering and trembling, and my voice become more audible, called up Tracy - need help...S.O.S.!

She sent me to a clinic...which...spending less than 15 minutes there, cost me RM50...!!!




The worst part wasn't over, though...When I reached home from clinic, went to make a beverage, because written on the packages of all the medicine - was this: to be taken AFTER Food. But, when I smelt the cereal drink before me, I felt really nauseous...




Forced myself to finish it...else can't take the medicine...took half an hour to finish a small mug of beverage - my longest record ever! Then comes medicine...and...ALL the packages said: TWO tablets each!! Was wondering...why everything had to be in double portion??




Took another 10 minutes to swallow down everything - trying hard to resist the temptation of throwing up everytime I placed a pill inside my mouth...

A chill enveloped me...the shaking grew worse...I tried to stand up...Suddenly, my mind went blank and I saw white light...could feel myself falling...falling...
Instantly, I gripped hold of the edge of the desk, and managed to stabilise myself...Then, it happened again...and again...and again...and again...and again...and......


I realised that I need to get to bed, which was just a few steps away from where I was. But, it was really "so near yet so far" and "the longest journey ever"...





As I tried to make my way there, the fainting spells continued...but...finally...managed to reach...

I tried to lie down...and...it was at that time when...the electrical shock sensation ran through my entire body - again!!




That really woke me up - the fainting spells left almost instantaneously after that...!!

Lying on my bed, yet couldn' sleep - pain all over...Couldn't turn either - pain...!
Had to lie still, face up...
Feel like a log...


This was how I went through the night...sleepless...in pain...and shaking uncontrollably...

It's the first time I have ever been so ill...as far as I can recall...

Anyway...
Thank you so much to all those who have responded to my S.O.S....
Also...
Thank you so much to all those who have been praying for me...

And...
Thank YOU, YHWH Rapha...

Under all circumstances, ashira i'adonai...

天使心...碎片飄揚...

月亮在嘆息 星星在哭泣
破碎的天使心 滴著鮮紅的血
秋天的落葉 冬天的雪花 孤獨地奏著傷感的鋼琴曲
夜鶯不再歌唱 玫瑰失去了芬芳 秋蟬在悲鳴
是誰的魚吞噬了誰的水晶
雨後的天空看不見彩虹
蒙古的大草原上 佇立著一個站在風中的孩子

女巫戴上貴族的面具 混進城堡 王子盛大的生日舞會
披著羊皮的狼 虎視眈眈守在無知的牧羊人身旁
散亂的樂章 沒辦法奏出動人的協奏曲
橫管笛帶著一顆失落的心 在沒有熱情掌聲的圍繞下 默默離開了舞台

美麗的珊瑚礁之際 人魚公主的眼淚 落在巨大的灰色岩石上
一波波的漣漪 夾雜著天使心的碎片 化成了深海中的夜明珠

一句鼓勵的話 可改變一個人的觀念與行為 甚至改變一個人的命運
一具負面的話 可刺傷一個人的心靈與身體 甚至毀滅一個人的未來

感覺...很受傷......今天，妳狠狠地在我的心，劃下了一道深深的傷口......