Farewell...

Friday, 13th July 2008 - a Very Significant date...a date which I will remember always...

Our LAST share group gathering...after this...No More...
We will "multiply"...

It felt like our first gathering - we began with Icebreaker, then praise and worship, then sharing - We haven't been doing this for a very long time...

The "trademark" of our share group gathering - a game known as "Come-Mean-Toy" (I don't know what language it is, nor what the name means...), played using poker cards. At the end of the game, you will be able to realise at least two things: who is the swiftest and most alert in the group, and also who is the sleepiest...hahaha...

In the end, I lost the game...and was sentenced to singing the national anthem standing outside at the balcony as punishment. But...everything didn't go quite the way they were supposed to go...coz...I ended up in tears and shocked everybody...Some thought perhaps the punishment was too harsh to me and I had a fright when I learnt that I was to sing aloud at the balcony; some thought I was stressed out with some kind of problems... - sorry, all incorrect...Hahaha...Hmm...seems like my share group doesn't know me very well yet...and it was our last gathering!! I don't simply cry in front of people over such petty affairs...

My sentimental side...I seldom allow it to surface...(I don't like it, coz somehow it makes me feel that I am weak and feeble...)

It was our LAST gathering!!!

I tried hard to just "be normal" and "just treat it as any other share group gatherings" we have had before...but...well...

Actually, I knew long before that this day of parting would come...I was prepared for it (or so I thought). I never expect myself to react like this, though - Never!! To be honest, I was shocked by my own reaction even!!

I tried really hard to suppress the emotions that were building up within me throughout...When I learnt that we were going to begin with Icebreaker, my mind instantly flashed back to our first gathering, and how far we've come together...through storms and blizzards and worse...and it struck me that: This is the LAST time we do Icebreaker Together! This is the LAST time we play "Come-Mean-Toy" with each other like This...!

As we proceeded with the game whilst joking and talking crap and telling lame jokes and pulling each other's leg as usual, I realised: This is the LAST time we tease each other Together...like This...! And when I had lost: This is the LAST time that I lost a game I play with THEM...the LAST game with THEM...!!! Then, as everyone clamoured for me to "proceed" with the punishement, my heart told me: This is the LAST time they tease me Together like THIS...(I am going to miss all these so much...! Yes, I will even miss being teased by THEM...) and, This is the LAST time that they are so "united" - one heart, one voice - in doing one thing, ie urging me to be "executed" with the punishment...hahaha...well, that was the last straw...

My stronghold just crumbled after that...everything I had been withholding within tumbled forth... - the floodgates burst open...and...I couldn't shut it again...I tried to force the tears back - innumerous times, yet each time I was overwhelmed...

It was the first time I experienced a really, really "teary" praise and worship... - our LAST praise and worship Together...!! - thinking of that induced more tears to come to my eyes and they started falling even faster than ever before!!

I tried to recompose myself during sharing time...yet...when it was my turn to share and I opened my mouth...no words came out... - I felt a great lump in my throat...then, tears took over...once again...I had to stop a few times during my sharing because I couldn't go on, then continued when I managed to regain my composure a little...This is the LAST time that we share our hearts out sitting in a circle Together like This... - and, well, that thought, of course, brought forth yet more tears...

I felt like a broken water tap that day... - no matter how hard you try to turn off a broken tap, there will still be a leak - drops of water will still be dribbling...if you try to screw it tighter, the tap will slip, and the water, which had initially been trickling down in droplets only, will then gush out like falls...

We have gone through so much together...THEY are my family here... - They threw their door wide open and received me in when I was met with closed doors everywhere else...They walked with me, supported me, encouraged me, helped me, stuck with me...during the darkest times of my life...They showed me what true love and real family means...They held me fast when I was gradually slipping away from the arms of God...They were there for me and with me when I could no longer see God...when I could no longer feel God's presence...They suffered and went through it all with me...They suffered...coz they were in this battle with me...! Even when I told them to just let me go - seeing them being pressed down by the troubles that came with the commitment - as I really can't bear to see people suffering because of me, they refused!!! They just shut me up with this verse: "When a shepherd who has one hundred sheep lost one sheep from his flock, he leaves the ninety-nine sheep and goes in search of that one sheep...UNTIL he finds it and brings it back to the flock again." They SIMPLY REFUSED to Give Up on me...EVEN when it meant they Had to walk with me down the Same, dark, perilous path...fight with me...suffer much with me...They chose to fight with me in my battle... - mine...not theirs! Yet they were willing to fight it...with me...for me...I know a lot of people would have just let me go...just like that...and I don't blame them...coz it's a really difficult journey...we didn't even know what we would meet then...or what we would be up against...but THEY chose to follow the road less taken...they chose to be with me when it would be so much easier for them to just abandon me instead...and...because they Wouldn't Give Up on me, I Couldn't Give Up, either...! How COULD I give up on my own life When there are people around me who WANT So Much for me to stay alive and continue to live? It was their determination to hold me fast NO MATTER WHAT that in turn spurred me to hold on to God, no matter what...(even when I was in great and constant doubt then...) Honestly, I was really, really, really, really touched by them...

And, they came to my rescue everytime they received my S.O.S. ...hmm...they know me well in this One thing: I Simply WON'T ask for help Unless or Until I am in a Really "critical" condition...

I knew that God placed us together for a purpose. I also know that no matter how far apart we may be from each other, we will always remain right here in each other's heart...always...

During our LAST gathering, at one point PangPang became concerned coz I couldn't stop crying that he tried to cheer me up: "Remember that burger last week? If you stop crying I'll treat you to one for dinner later..." Well, I did manage to stop in the end...Thanks be to God! Else I'd be pouring at mamak and then I'd frighten more people...! And...as good as his promise, PaPa Pang REALLY Did treat me to a burger for dinner...! Wakakaka...So touched...blessed...(initially I had thought he meant it as a joke, really) but then...it reminded me that this would be our "LAST supper" together...and that brought fresh tears to my eyes all over again...

Thanks be to God:
(I) I thank God that I didn't flood Tracy's house with my tears...Haha...
(II) I thank God that I managed to (or rather, He helped me to) stop crying while I was still in Tracy's car on the way to dinner after our gathering - I managed to stop before we reached our destination...Thank God I didn't flood her car, too...
(III) I thank God for this beloved family of mine...
(IV) I thank God for everything He has given us - for good things and bad, for joy and for sorrows, for laughter and for tears...I thank You, Lord, for all the blessings You have showered upon us, for shining Your light in our lives, for being with us through it all...and...for calling us Your Children...Thank You, Lord...thank You so much...

God bless...Hallelujah...