生命的...轉戾點?

沒有人知道，在命運的安排下，何時，何地，遇上了誰，發生了怎樣的故事，結局如何。

從小就被關在象牙塔里，被家人緊緊的守護著，被纏上金鍾罩鐵布衫，在嚴密的護蔭下成長......
直到有一天，機缘巧合之下，離開了金絲雀籠，才惊覺窗外有那麼樣的一片天!
張開雙翅，翱翔在自由的天空里，呼吸著清新的空氣，感受到前所未有的新體驗。
從此，再也不願意重歸囚禁的生活，而執意停留在曼妙月光的籠罩下，與夜空中的繁星一同起舞......

The Story Continues...

I have fallen quite ill during the past week...

I was already feeling Not OK on Monday morning...yet I thought that by consuming the medication prescribed by the doctor, coupled with drinking plenty of water and taking some rest, I would be able to keep everything in check and recover soon...but...

By nightfall (on Monday) I was feeling rather weak, and I thought a couple of hours of rest would revive me...However, to my horror, I realised that the longer I lay in bed, the weaker I was becoming - I was losing strength with every passing moment...!!! The instant that this realisation struck me, I tried to rise and get out of bed...and...at that moment, I realised that...I...couldn't...get...up...AT ALL...!!!

I kept trying to rise...yet strength just eluded me...Finally, I had to admit defeat...With no options left, I finally managed to send an S.O.S. to Hing after much struggle - the nearest help I know I can depend on (it was around 11:30pm), and Hing, who was just about to go out then, misunderstood my emergency message, thinking that I wanted to go and return something to him...

I stared blankly at his reply message...Suppressing a sigh and mustering every last bit of strength I could possibly gather, I called him up and mumbled out my S.O.S....

After what seemed like a really long wait whilst struggling to keep myself awake, I finally heard pounding on my room door...Help is here at last! Yet, one problem remained - I couldn't rise to unlock the door...! Trying hard to get up and, finally, forcing out whatever last drop of strength there was left in my every nerve and muscle, I managed to stagger to the door and somehow unlocked it...

Supporting myself on wobbly legs and leaning heavily against the doorpost, I stared into two familiar faces...their voices floated over to my ears yet my mind barely captured what they were uttering - a spiltting headache which resembled a spear piercing through my brain and a horrible wash of nausea overwhelmed me and forced me to fall back into bed before I could answer their questions...

I couldn't remember much after that...all I could recall was that I lay in bed, in a lot of pain, weak, nauseous, one moment feeling like my entire body was on fire and the next shivering as if I were in Iceland...and Tracy and Hing talking to me...Couldn't remember much what they said except that I had to see the doctor...

I was sent to the clinic...and the doctor did a blood test...After that everything just ran on auto-pilot mode, couldn't remember much...All I knew was that for the next day (Tuesday) I was in bed for the entire day...slept through the whole day - first time I ever did anything like that...!!! When evening fell I tried to rise and found that I could get up! Hallelujah!! Kept sipping 100Plus throughout the evening...

By nightfall Vui Theng came bringing me dinner (porridge), and she even went as far as "surrendering" to me her own dinner so that there could be something for me for breakfast the next morning...!!! Really, really, really touched by her selflessness...

After resting for one whole day I thought I should have had enough of rest so went about things as usual the day after that (Wednesday) - went to church in the afternoon to help out with preparations for the Church Wide Prayer Meeting as I had promised MiaowMee the week before that I would go and help her...initially was supposed to help at cafe only but then there was not enough people serving on that day so ended up being usher and "door-keeper" as well...By the end of the day, one word concluded it all: T-I-R-E-D...

Thursday was "Jacky's day" as he would be leaving us on Friday. Been out with him the entire day - breakfast, lunch, shopping, dinner, supper...Hahaha...Really exhausted but no regrets... - he is really like a brother to me: both of us hailed from the same hometown...

Had to arise early on Friday to send Jacky off at the air terminal...Going to miss him so much...May not be seeing him again for at least three years...After that, joined Victor's share group for lunch and fellowship because he was already late and rushing to meet up with his group members - we slightly "over-tarried" at the air terminal...Then, went home and continued with my "everyday job"...My current job? A full-time "Job Hunter"...! Hahaha...Also, redrafted my resume that evening...

Maybe...I still needed to rest more...because...as the evening wore on, I could feel all the frenzies and rushing to-and-fro these few days gradually taking a toll on me - felt seriously EXHAUSTED...When I finally managed to reach Tracy's house for share group meeting that night (practically DRAGGED myself to her house), I was not in good shape...

The weekends were devoted to serving and helping out at church as usual. Only, sickness has begun to creep back since the past few days - sore throat, cold, cough, fatigue...(I thought the antibiotics which I finished on Monday were supposed to have killed ALL the viruses...!!!) Maybe I really need to rest more before I can start jumping around like a monkey...


Something I learnt from my recent illness:

(I) Don't ever take fever for granted - it can kill you!!!

(II) 100Plus is the best drinking fluid for a sick patient.

(III) Don't try to push yourself too hard and don't overstress your maximum limit before you are completely healed - it will lead to aftermath sickness which will prolong your period of illness!

(IV) Always listen to the advice and counsel of those whom you KNOW you SHOULD listen to because if you don't, you will just wish that you HAD!!

(V) And, last but not least, get PLENTY of REST (as much as possible - in fact, the More the Better!) when you fall ill - you will thank God for it afterwards when you do...


A lot of people prayed for me when the news leaked out that I was very ill...Just want to say "Thank you so much" to all those who had been praying for me...God bless you all...


I am now on the road to recovery (hopefully)...
Still battling the viruses (cold, cough, sore throat...go away! Shoo~shoo~!!)...
And, the story continues...

世界上很多問題是永遠找不到答案的...

生命中，不斷的有人離開或進入。
於是，看見的，看不見了；記住的，遺忘了。
生命中，不斷的有得到和失落。
於是，看不見的，看見了；遺忘的，記住了。
然而，看不見的，是不是就等於不存在?
記住的，是不是永遠不會消失?

Just a Mirage Effect...??

Perhaps I really shouldn't have pretended that everything was ok in front of everybody and tried pushing myself beyond the limits in the past few days...

I thought I was recovering, especially last night...Yet, woke up this morning feeling as ill as the first day of my sickness - pain, headache, nausea...only...minus the shaking...

Could barely get out of bed...forced myself to get up and finish some chores...in the end, splitting headache and unbearable nausea compelled me to fall back to bed - almost threw up my medicine...

Slept through the rest of the day...

Could hardly walk...entire body in pain - close to unbearable...Have to endure excruciating pain with every single step I take...(reminds me of the Mermaid story: when her tail was transformed into human legs - with every step she took, the pain she had to endure was like that of a knife cutting through her feet... - only, in my case, the pain spreads over the entire body...!)

Was going to try and go out to get dinner...but...really couldn't make it - overthrown by the pain, headache and nausea...With no options left, once again, had to send out S.O.S....

I think I need more rest...

Really thank you for answering my S.O.S. - even though you are busy and rushing...

Thank You, Lord, for sustaining me in spite of it all...(still alive) Hallelujah...

鏡中倒影...

因為一個偶然 我透過妳的眼睛 看見了自己的倒映

也因為一個偶然 我從他人的身上 察覺到了自己的影子

“為甚麼?”謎題的神秘面紗 突然被揭開

一切 終於明朗化

因為明白 所以了解

因為了解 所以選擇放開一切

因為放開了一切 所以能夠打從心底原諒妳

而因為選擇原諒 原本煩悶的心 得以恢復了平靜

感謝主...

Stricken...!!!

Fire and ice
In me today they have chosen to reside



Thunder and lighting strike the kite
As darkness envelops the night


Gradually the world fades before my eyes
And all I can see is but a sea of white

Nauseous yet can not throw up...else all the medicine I just took would go to waste...(remembering the RM50 I just spent at the clinic gives me the strength to hold everythiang back...!)




Shivering and shaking uncontrollably...teeth chattering, making sounds like castanets...knees knocking against each other - doing boxing among themselves......I could barely stand...

Pain shoots through me from head to toe...even when I remain absolutely still, I can feel the pain...if I try to move just slightly, it feels like electrical shock running through my entire body!!

My mind is practically blank...empty...can not afford to think properly...even though I tried to...tried hard......Everything seems to be running on auto-pilot mode...(But thank God they still run...even though it's auto-pilot...)

This was how I felt last night...

I did not realise that I have actually fallen ill until late at night...when in fact I have already been sick for more than one day! (The symptoms began on the night before but I simply ignored them...)




When I started to feel hot and cold at the same moment, I realised that something was wrong.





But I thought I could hold it out and would recover by the next day, just like all the other times I have been sick before, all I ever do was drink plenty of water, rest, and pray. It works everytime! Well, almost...everytime...until this one...

I was developing a temperature...but the fever came and went...so I was feeling weak at one time then better at the next moment...that made me think I was getting better...when in fact, it was beginning to grow worse...

Sometime after midnight, I finally had to surrender...I couldn't stop shaking, could hardly get my voice out - stammering violently due to uncontrollable shaking, couldn't stand properly, and when I tried to lie down, the pain is close to unbearable!!! (Feels more like I was lying down in a torture chamber than on my own bed...)

Tried hard to get a grip and recompose myself...when I finally managed to hold down the shivering and trembling, and my voice become more audible, called up Tracy - need help...S.O.S.!

She sent me to a clinic...which...spending less than 15 minutes there, cost me RM50...!!!




The worst part wasn't over, though...When I reached home from clinic, went to make a beverage, because written on the packages of all the medicine - was this: to be taken AFTER Food. But, when I smelt the cereal drink before me, I felt really nauseous...




Forced myself to finish it...else can't take the medicine...took half an hour to finish a small mug of beverage - my longest record ever! Then comes medicine...and...ALL the packages said: TWO tablets each!! Was wondering...why everything had to be in double portion??




Took another 10 minutes to swallow down everything - trying hard to resist the temptation of throwing up everytime I placed a pill inside my mouth...

A chill enveloped me...the shaking grew worse...I tried to stand up...Suddenly, my mind went blank and I saw white light...could feel myself falling...falling...
Instantly, I gripped hold of the edge of the desk, and managed to stabilise myself...Then, it happened again...and again...and again...and again...and again...and......


I realised that I need to get to bed, which was just a few steps away from where I was. But, it was really "so near yet so far" and "the longest journey ever"...





As I tried to make my way there, the fainting spells continued...but...finally...managed to reach...

I tried to lie down...and...it was at that time when...the electrical shock sensation ran through my entire body - again!!




That really woke me up - the fainting spells left almost instantaneously after that...!!

Lying on my bed, yet couldn' sleep - pain all over...Couldn't turn either - pain...!
Had to lie still, face up...
Feel like a log...


This was how I went through the night...sleepless...in pain...and shaking uncontrollably...

It's the first time I have ever been so ill...as far as I can recall...

Anyway...
Thank you so much to all those who have responded to my S.O.S....
Also...
Thank you so much to all those who have been praying for me...

And...
Thank YOU, YHWH Rapha...

Under all circumstances, ashira i'adonai...

天使心...碎片飄揚...

月亮在嘆息 星星在哭泣
破碎的天使心 滴著鮮紅的血
秋天的落葉 冬天的雪花 孤獨地奏著傷感的鋼琴曲
夜鶯不再歌唱 玫瑰失去了芬芳 秋蟬在悲鳴
是誰的魚吞噬了誰的水晶
雨後的天空看不見彩虹
蒙古的大草原上 佇立著一個站在風中的孩子

女巫戴上貴族的面具 混進城堡 王子盛大的生日舞會
披著羊皮的狼 虎視眈眈守在無知的牧羊人身旁
散亂的樂章 沒辦法奏出動人的協奏曲
橫管笛帶著一顆失落的心 在沒有熱情掌聲的圍繞下 默默離開了舞台

美麗的珊瑚礁之際 人魚公主的眼淚 落在巨大的灰色岩石上
一波波的漣漪 夾雜著天使心的碎片 化成了深海中的夜明珠

一句鼓勵的話 可改變一個人的觀念與行為 甚至改變一個人的命運
一具負面的話 可刺傷一個人的心靈與身體 甚至毀滅一個人的未來

感覺...很受傷......今天，妳狠狠地在我的心，劃下了一道深深的傷口......

Nothing is Impossible...When You Believe, Everything is Possible...

"There is no 'Accident'..."

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called 'present'... "

"Believe..."

"There is no secret ingredient...there is only you - yourself."

I like this film...

It absolutely exceeded my initial expectation - in all aspects.

Everytime before I go to the cinema theatre, I would pray and ask God to help me learn something from the film which I will be watching. Tonight (18th June, 2008), once again, I heard God's voice, speaking through this wonderful motion picture...

Via the film, He reminded me:

~ There is no such thing as an accident/a coincidence.

{Every single thing which was, which is, and which is to come has been in God's plan since the beginning of time. He is in control of all things and He holds everything in the palm of His hand. He will never overlook even the smallest detail. Hence we should give thanks to God for everything and treasure every circumstance we are in, and try our best in whatever sitaution He has placed us, because each opportunity that befalls us is His wonderful gift to us.}

~ Never EVER give up.
{For God has a great plan for each one of us - He has never meant for us to fail, EVER. He puts us through trials that we may learn to become mature and complete, not lacking in anything.}

~ Have confidence and believe in yourself, for sometimes you do not realise the potential and talent that is DORMANT in you...Even when others do not believe in you, even when NO ONE would believe in you, NEVER lose faith in yourself. {Because we are the holy temple of God and His Spirit dwells within us: "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me..." To lose faith in oneself, in a way, implies that we lose faith in God - the One who enables us to do ALL things.}

~ Whatever situation you face, remain calm and collected: "In-ner...peace......In-in-in...in-ner...peace......"

{Only by doing so - only by quieting down ourselves (our hearts, our minds, our spirits), will we be able to hear God's voice (whisper). His Spirit will bestow upon us the wisdom to tackle all things, and that wisdom will enable us to behold each situation clearly and guide us to undertake it in the best way - Be still, and listen...then you will hear, and understand...}

Thanks be to God for all His blessings today, especially for the transport home after the show, and we did not have to walk back in the dark...(once again, I am reminded that He always knows exactly when we need what we need most) Hallelujah...

+God bless...+

心情寫照...

有時候 一分鐘很長 有時候 卻又很短 有時候我可以了解這世界 有時候卻一點也不懂

有時候照鏡子 看著看著 竟覺得鏡中的人是那麼的陌生
有誰又能夠看到內心真真實實的自己...?
只有站在了一定的高度 才能看清真實的自己 就像只有站在山頂 才能看到最美麗的風景一樣

我是誰?
沒有人知道

有時候會發現自己和某人驚人的相似 到最後才知道 其實彼此的距離是那麼的遙遠 就像一個是樂觀的悲觀主義者 一個是悲觀的樂觀主義者 表面上相似 但在本質上卻截然相反
也許有一天會發現 原本熟悉的人 突然間變得陌生 到最後才發覺原來是兩個世界的人 彼此的距離那麼的遙遠

不了解自己屬於哪個世界...

走著走著 迷失了方向 於是跟著別人的腳步 以為這樣就不會迷路 結果這樣走著 卻迷失了自我
找到那條屬於自己的路其實很難 要經歷多少次錯誤的選擇 才能達到真理的彼岸呢? 然而我們無從選擇


我不了解我的寂寞來自何方 但我真的感到寂寞 世界上每個人都寂寞 只是大家的寂寞都不同罷了
我想擁抱每個人 但我得先學會擁抱我自己

窗外放晴了 屋內仍繼續下雨 我微笑 並不等於我快樂
我的心開始下雪 雪無聲地覆蓋了所有 湮滅了迷惘 驕傲與哀痛
天黑了 黯然低頭 才發現水面滿是閃爍的星光 當一切歸於寂靜時 世界突然變得清亮明朗
月亮在讀聖經 我不哭 眼淚 又流回右心房 憂傷蔓延
我的肩胛骨開始劇痛 最後 長出兩隻蝴蝶的翅膀
別再憂傷 這一切 祇不過是破蛹的過程


+主耶蘇 感謝祢+